October: The Month of Madness!

It's also the national month of breast cancer awareness, but "month of madness" rolled off the tongue so well! I'm super excited for the month though and (so far at least) only mildly overwhelmed.

I'm a proud member of the route safety crew for breast cancer walks (as well as any other good cause that will have me such as the Face of America ride for wounded vets and the Tour de Cure ride for Diabetes), though ask any of us and we'll tell you that we're actually the moto crew (bicycles and all). In 2007 my mom, sister and I walked in our first event together (though by that time my mom had already walked several on her own) to honor my mom's 8th year as a survivor. Because of scheduling complications, we flew up to Boston (cue Dropkick Murphys' "Shipping Up to Boston") and spent 2 days stomping through puddles as we rocked our neon spandex leggings and bright yellow Mickey Mouse ponchos. As soon as I saw the moto crew on that walk, I knew my calling! I signed up for the DC walk as soon as I got home from Boston and have been doing both the Avon Walk (which is 2 days, 39 miles long) and the Komen 3-Day (which is 3 days and 60 miles long) ever since.

The breast cancer walks are hands down some of the most emotional events I've ever been a part of, save maybe the Face of America ride (but they were emotional for very different reasons). When I say emotional, I don't mean all sad and weepy (though there are plenty of tears). I mean that in the course of 3 or 4 days, I hit every strong emotion a human being is capable of hitting.

Happy: enjoying or showing or marked by joy or pleasure, eagerly disposed to act or to be of service
Happy is admittedly a bit of an understatement. First, I'm ECSTATIC to see friends that, unfortunately, I sometimes only see once or twice a year. People come from all over the country to crew in the various cities and DC is no exception. When you put kindred souls together - which, as cliche as that sounds, we are - and give them but a short time to catch up and hang out and in general be a family, madness will ensue. Every day I find myself laughing to the point of tears at some silliness or joke or moment of ding-dong.

On top of the camaraderie within the crew, there is also the joy of meeting new people who are your family for 3 minutes, 3 hours, 3 days and sometimes years to come. Throw in the knowledge that you're giving a not-so-nice disease, which affects nearly 200,000 women AND men a year, a single-finger salute and let's just say the smiles are flowing!

Reflective: deeply or seriously thoughtful; contemplative
I spend a lot of my time reflecting throughout these weekends. When I see mothers and daughters walking together I remember the times I've shared - both on the walks and outside of them - with my own mother. A bandanna covering a bald head takes me back to the time when bandannas and hats were common in my house as my mom went through multiple rounds of chemo. Looking around the dinner table as I'm surrounded by orange on either side of me, I'm reminded that I'm not alone in my journey and all at once I am unable to remember a time without these amazing people standing shoulder to shoulder with me on street corners, in fields and in lines for port-o-pottys (something I try NOT to reflect on too often).

Heartbroken: crushed with sorrow, grief or disappointment
I tried to avoid this emotion the first few times I participated in these events, but discovered that the downs are part of the experience. I look around and see so many people in pink and cannot help but to think of those that are not there with us. I try not to spend too much time in this emotion, but I also believe grief is a healthy emotion. It's extremely helpful to be surrounded by so much strength and joy to catch me when I fall into this, hold my hand through it and hug me as I come out of the other side with even stronger resolve.

Exhausted: drained of energy, force or strength, physically or mentally
Or in this case - all of the above. Let's just say that 4 and 5am wakeup calls + 16-20 hour days = one pooped puppy!

Determined: devoting full strength and concentrated attention to, strongly motivated to succeed
Throw all of that into a blender, hit "frappe" and pour it into a silly looking glass (complete with a curly cue straw of course!) and that's about how I feel when all is said and done. I take the strength and resolve that I feel after these events and use them throughout tough times during the rest of the year. I feel like I could conquer the world (and usually make plans to do just that, until I realize I have to go back to reality at some point).

No matter how hard I try to prepare myself for what I know is coming, something new hits me by surprise every time (cue whirlwind).

So bring it on October!